Are you experiencing depression, anxiety, or the pangs of some indefinable need that, no matter what you do to counteract your pain, will not be fulfilled? Are you searching for some deeper, greater meaning to the tribulations that the world hurls at you in a never-ending onslaught of exhausting challenges? Do you feel lost or […]
Japanese football league slammed for lack of diversity
As vile hatred and discrimination run rampant the world over, no individual or institution is exempt from scrutiny and liability for unconscionable acts of discrimination. There is just far too much racial hostility lurking behind every corner and tearing apart the fabric of our society to not be equally vigilant and vigorous in defense of […]
Factcheck: global seed vault totally not for regenesis after doomsday event
Amidst all the chatter about global famine induced by widespread supply chain disruptions, worldwide shortages of fertilizer, and an unfortunate series of coincidental catastrophes that have incapacitated dozens of large food processing facilities across the U.S., some wackos have suggested that the purpose of the Svalbard Global Seed Vault hinges on the occurrence of a […]
Digital device eliminates dependence on electronic devices
Think of it: a device to end your reliance on electronic devices. Can you imagine anything better? Doubt it. Coastlines. Fresh air. A mother’s love for her only child. These things have nothing on this. Are you ready? You may not be, because this is really big. Just sayin’. Prepare yourself. Because here’s… […]
Astronomers discover cause of coronal mass ejections: yep, it’s white supremacy
You can’t spell “supremacy” without C-M-E (in reverse order and combined with other letters). Potentially deadly coronal mass ejections, or CMEs — those big hot bursting things that shoot off the Sun’s surface — are the direct and tragic result of white supremacy. So says a report coming from the Incredibly Sorry Astronomers of America […]
Armed conflict in Ukraine almost as bad as last weekend in Chicago
KYIV—As Russian military forces maneuver to control the Donbas, violence in the key industrial region of Ukraine has become nearly as deadly as a weekend in the Midwest. With 27 soldiers killed in action and another 49 wounded for a total of 76 casualties on both sides of the conflict, Russia’s latest campaign has caused […]
House Speaker revises her statement: husband may be “above the law”
WASHINGTON—House Speaker Pelosi was forced to walk back a statement she wrote and delivered in a televised address during the lead-up to one of her latest impeachment efforts. Speaking from her seat in the House Chamber, the four-term Speaker made the correction during a motion to table a motion for a debate on criminal […]
Respect. Click here.
Respect. Because you’re a winner. Win. Because you need to respect. Lose. Because you can’t win them all without cheating. Cheat. Because you want to be a winner, don’t you? Claim. Because dependents can lower your tax obligation. Observe. Because then you can make observations. Listen. Because hearing doesn’t cut it. (Deaf? Sorry.) Breathe. Because […]
5 traits of successful billionaire sociopaths
Remorseless execution of revenue goals is never easy, especially when you’ve got a conscience to suppress. Homo sapiens of all intelligence quotients and social statuses require some level of respite and emotional release, engendering the necessary evils of paid time off and parental leave. Despite these inherent flaws and additional weaknesses of character, humans have […]
Who needs trees when you have technology?
Striking a blow against climate change, the Department of Energy will spend $3.5 billion on direct air capture, a thermochemical process that—as if by suction—pulls carbon dioxide out of the air. When asked where the idea came from, Secretary Granholm explained: “The initiative came in response to an overwhelming number of inquiries about whether […]