Maskless man terrorizes partygoers

Attendees of the 47th Annual Uptown Charity Ball were assaulted by the exhalations of an unidentified man whose features were in no way obscured by a facial covering.   The man, who wore no mask on his face whatsoever, claimed to have been invited to attend the prestigious gala that attracted over 250 people.  While […]

Top 10 GMO pets for pod living

With the recent surge in pod living has come the need to accommodate some of our four-legged friends in increasingly tighter spaces.  And, while inviting your rat Cheesy into your bunk might present fewer issues than that dude who wants you to step over his bullmastiff every day on your way to the frozen yogurt […]

Mastercard to find itself less awkward name

In the wake of the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue in the formerly slave state of Virginia, Mastercard Inc. has announced a forthcoming change to its brand name. Citing several complaints from its own ranks as well as from stakeholders as far afield as the unskilled labor sector, the multinational financial services corporation […]

Scientists call for help to change ‘offensive’ insect names

Scientists are asking for America’s assistance in their efforts to rename insects whose common monikers have been determined to be “inappropriate or offensive.” The American Society of Entomologists (ASE) announced recently that the common names for the Coccinellidae family of beetles and the fly known as Cochliomyia hominivorax, respectively “ladybug” and “screwfly,” had been purged […]

Top 10 discarded comic book superheroes

We’ve heard the names before, though we wish that we hadn’t, and that we were younger.   Riceman.  Ploughboy.  Underwater Cat.  Do these sound like winners to you? Comic book publishers have scrapped countless concepts for superheroes and villains, some more deserving of the shabby treatment than others (take The Incredible Sulk, please). So, how […]

Speak of the devil in the details

And he appears! Hi, I’m the devil.  I just heard my name being called and, as you may have heard, if you speak of me, I appear.  I don’t even need to hear my name; I would have appeared even if you’d said “that handsome prince of darkness,” or “some famous fallen angel” or even […]

Accused criminal, friend of this publication’s owner is actually “decent guy”

Celebrated hedge fund billionaire and renowned philanthropist Arthur Blankfield is poised to be proven categorically guiltless in the matter of the alleged double homicide perpetrated on his Ferretti 920 yacht while he was sending a letter by facsimile. Though accused of murdering two Malaysian prostitutes with a Pelikan Souveran fountain pen in the master bedroom […]