Author: S. Bolson

Mastercard to find itself less awkward name

In the wake of the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue in the formerly slave state of Virginia, Mastercard Inc. has announced a forthcoming change to its brand name. Citing several complaints from its own ranks as well as from stakeholders as far afield as the unskilled labor sector, the multinational financial services corporation […]

Scientists call for help to change ‘offensive’ insect names

Scientists are asking for America’s assistance in their efforts to rename insects whose common monikers have been determined to be “inappropriate or offensive.” The American Society of Entomologists (ASE) announced recently that the common names for the Coccinellidae family of beetles and the fly known as Cochliomyia hominivorax, respectively “ladybug” and “screwfly,” had been purged […]

Top 10 discarded comic book superheroes

We’ve heard the names before, though we wish that we hadn’t, and that we were younger.   Riceman.  Ploughboy.  Underwater Cat.  Do these sound like winners to you? Comic book publishers have scrapped countless concepts for superheroes and villains, some more deserving of the shabby treatment than others (take The Incredible Sulk, please). So, how […]

Speak of the devil in the details

And he appears! Hi, I’m the devil.  I just heard my name being called and, as you may have heard, if you speak of me, I appear.  I don’t even need to hear my name; I would have appeared even if you’d said “that handsome prince of darkness,” or “some famous fallen angel” or even […]

Accused criminal, friend of this publication’s owner is actually “decent guy”

Celebrated hedge fund billionaire and renowned philanthropist Arthur Blankfield is poised to be proven categorically guiltless in the matter of the alleged double homicide perpetrated on his Ferretti 920 yacht while he was sending a letter by facsimile. Though accused of murdering two Malaysian prostitutes with a Pelikan Souveran fountain pen in the master bedroom […]

Coalition of dolts launches Ass Rights Movement

An assemblage of stunted personalities has just made a call to arms for simpletons worldwide to unite and demand fair and equal treatment under the law, an increase in their representation in various organizations and industries, more favorable depictions in media and special treatment under the law. “We just want our voice to be heard,” […]

Undressing vegan Italian dressing

This bangin’ vegan-cozy recipe will have your guests swearing off meat for-E-V-E-R.  I am not messin’ around with you.  DO NOT feed this to your guests if you plan on serving them meat afterwards.  They will refuse it!  All they will want to do is guzzle the dressing while demanding this recipe — so just […]

Unorthodox recruitment style

A woman was arrested in Brooklyn for allegedly stealing a U.S. Postal Service truck, driving a mile and crashing into more than a dozen vehicles along the route.  After her release from custody, the woman was immediately hired as a driver for the U.S. Postal Service.