Factcheck: global seed vault totally not for regenesis after doomsday event

Whoever suggested that a global seed vault may have ominous implications didn’t check their facts.

Amidst all the chatter about global famine induced by widespread supply chain disruptions, worldwide shortages of fertilizer, and an unfortunate series of coincidental catastrophes that have incapacitated dozens of large food processing facilities across the U.S., some wackos have suggested that the purpose of the Svalbard Global Seed Vault hinges on the occurrence of a doomsday-like event that would threaten the existence of all life on Earth.  

Well, having checked the facts, we factcheckers can confidently say that nothing could be further from the facts.  We checked.

According to Sven Nilhous, Director of Preparation for Nothing In Particular (DPNIP):

“We did not create this underground seed vault for the purpose of replenishing any ecosystems that may be obliterated by an extinction-level event.  In fact, were such an event to happen, we’d probably just toss those seeds on the fresh garden salads they serve us in the underground seed vault cafeteria, or employ them for some other purpose that’s in no way related to ‘doomsday’ or the preservation of life in the event thereof — we certainly wouldn’t use the seeds to ensure the propagation of those species whose survival would depend on their successful germination.”

Well, there you have it, straight from the expert’s mouth.  

Scientists weren’t even thinking about doomsday when they created this vault and placed it 400 feet underground on an island between Norway and the North Pole.  In fact, even Nilhous’s capacity as DPNIP within the Global Underground Seed Vault for Good Times proves the vault’s for nothing in particular.  The very name of the organization has “Good Times” in it, which seems like a far cry from Doom-and-Gloomsday or whatever the tinfoil hat wearers call it these days.  

Go ahead and check the facts yourself, if you don’t trust us factcheckers.  Who wouldn’t want some more seeds lying around just in case we had some non-pressing need for them?  The fact is that no one wouldn’t.  That is yet another fact we factcheckers checked, in fact.

We’ve got the facts right here, so you don’t need to panic or think for yourself.  We’ll check the facts so you can keep eating, sleeping, and not thinking.