Respect. Because you’re a winner.
Win. Because you need to respect.
Lose. Because you can’t win them all without cheating.
Cheat. Because you want to be a winner, don’t you?
Claim. Because dependents can lower your tax obligation.
Observe. Because then you can make observations.
Listen. Because hearing doesn’t cut it. (Deaf? Sorry.)
Breathe. Because you’ll die otherwise.
Love. Because haters need something to hate on besides hate.
Walk. Because it’s a sustainable, inexpensive mode of transportation. (No legs? Very sorry.)
Draw. Because there’s a child inside you, scratching at your insides in a desperate attempt to break free.
Paint. Because of that same scared, trapped child inside of you.
Play. Because that broken child is crying for release.
Cook. Because you can’t afford takeout night after night.
Learn. Because you never stop growing.
Plan. Because one day, you’ll stop growing.
See. Because you have eyes to. (Blind? Very, very sorry. And a little confused… Is this being read to you? That must be it.)
Pay your taxes. Because that hungry, delirious child locked in the prison of your past self has no idea what consequences are.
Remember to floss. Because gum disease is a serious problem throughout the world.
Forget about winning the lottery. Because there are much better ways to make a living that involve games of chance and skill, like billiard sharking and card counting in casinos with light security.
Cover your ears. Because the starving child inside of you screeches between excruciating death throes.
Eat nutritious food. Because there soon won’t be any left. (For you or the child.)
Visit your doctor regularly. Because you can’t take care of yourself beyond the eating food part.
Exercise vigorously in public. Because the world definitely wants to see that.
Disclose your credit card info. Because that’s what winners do. (Click here.)