Gangs of organized shoplifters cause alarm by ignoring COVID guidelines

Residents of California have expressed serious concerns regarding the out-of-control looters who are not following public health codes designed to fight COVID while raiding local department stores. Scores of coordinated pilferers are running amok in urban centers throughout the Golden State, terrorizing innocent passersby with their flagrant disregard for CDC-issued guidelines.  The robberies have become […]

Factcheck: Debunkers are 100% biased, untrustworthy

The claim that factcheckers and factchecking organizations lack credibility due to, among other things, conflicts of interest and the practice of employing underqualified factcheckers to check facts is FALSE.  Factcheckers checked.  It’s the debunkers who are biased and untrustworthy, not the factcheckers. Factcheckers check facts.  That’s what they do, and that’s all they do.  Therefore, factcheckers […]

Mayor extends mandate in bold new tweet

“We know dropping anvils kills flies — our experiments have proven that.  Now let’s go even further. “I’m urging @GovHowl to extend anvil deployment wherever flies are found.  Let’s do what we can to keep our city, our residents, and our workforce safe by dropping anvils wherever flies are found.” -Mayor Smith

President commemorates World Toilet Day

In observance of World Toilet Day, the President’s handlers undid his harness and allowed him to utter a few words and other vocalizations to his adoring public. The President said, “I remember that toilet.  So great, the way she handles herself in the midst of it all.  She would’ve made a better VP pick than […]

5 essential COVID-friendly Halloween costumes

Trick or treat!  Um… treat, please!  Minus the covid! Who wants some icky covid stain on their treat, right?  Get that icky off! Nothin’ scarier than that exosome-lookin’ freak stalkin’ ‘round our candies.  Think of the children! Halloween’s, like, the ONE day of the year where it used to be acceptable to wear a mask […]

Maskless man terrorizes partygoers

Attendees of the 47th Annual Uptown Charity Ball were assaulted by the exhalations of an unidentified man whose features were in no way obscured by a facial covering.   The man, who wore no mask on his face whatsoever, claimed to have been invited to attend the prestigious gala that attracted over 250 people.  While […]