BREAKING: President breaks silence on favored ice cream

When asked which flavor he favors, the President proclaimed, “That rhymes!”

WASHINGTON—Predawn reports from the White House have confirmed suspicions regarding the President’s position on several hot-button issues, with one distinct item gaining international attention: the President picked Haagen-Dazs’s “Rocky Road” ice cream from a bipartisan selection of after-dinner treats.

“This is a huge step toward finding a path forward, and forging it all by himself, as this president has shown he is capable of doing again and again,” said the President’s Chief of Staff.  “Less than a year in office, and he’s already got that critical choice nailed down.  He’s full of energy and youth, tying his own shoes now — unstoppable.”

The President has chosen to make frozen desserts a key part of his platform when he runs for re-election and also just for snacks at nighttime.  With midterm battles heating up nationwide, the President has made clear that he must propose a workable solution to the challenges facing the nation, or else he’ll be in trouble.  The aggressive campaign strategy devised by the President and his team includes a specific emphasis on naps and playtime, coupled with a steadfast commitment to saying please and thank you.

Fending off criticisms of his handling of the economy, foreign relations and the military, the President has adopted an air of impatience in his stance toward the White House press corps, at one point calling “no fair” when a reporter questioned him out of turn.  “I was asking a follow-up and suddenly he’s pointing at me and shrieking ‘No fair!’,” recounted Dale Hoover of QBC News.  “For a second I thought he was going to cry.  That’s when the press secretary came in and took over and he tricycled away.”

The bipartisan collection of sweet delicacies had been scheduled to arrive at the White House by choo choo train yesterday morning, prompting the President to pull an all-nighter in preparation for the spectacle.  While not quoted in words, the President did technically break his silence about the ice cream, loudly intoning “Mmmm” and “Ahhhh” as he expertly plied his utensil on the melting confection with the deft hand of a nation’s chief executive.  

This is a developing president.  Story.