Amid the recent surge in covid hospitalizations taking place in the world’s most vaccinated areas, administrators have pinpointed the likely cause of this surprising escalation in breakthrough cases. “It seems improbable that the vaccinated would be responsible for these numbers, given that the vaccines are effective,” noted Fritz Boehnerhaus, Director of Patient Relations at Grunberg […]
Aspiring improv comedian paralyzed by a “no, but…”
Tragic reports of a comedy show gone awry have surfaced from Gary, IN, where an up-and-coming improv comic suffered immediate paralysis when his scene partner failed to give him the customary “Yes, and…” reply. Troy Beckham, 20, remains hospitalized in a state of shock after his classmate and friend of seven years, Jess Vincente, responded […]
Gangs of organized shoplifters cause alarm by ignoring COVID guidelines
Residents of California have expressed serious concerns regarding the out-of-control looters who are not following public health codes designed to fight COVID while raiding local department stores. Scores of coordinated pilferers are running amok in urban centers throughout the Golden State, terrorizing innocent passersby with their flagrant disregard for CDC-issued guidelines. The robberies have become […]
Factcheck: Debunkers are 100% biased, untrustworthy
The claim that factcheckers and factchecking organizations lack credibility due to, among other things, conflicts of interest and the practice of employing underqualified factcheckers to check facts is FALSE. Factcheckers checked. It’s the debunkers who are biased and untrustworthy, not the factcheckers. Factcheckers check facts. That’s what they do, and that’s all they do. Therefore, factcheckers […]
Mayor extends mandate in bold new tweet
“We know dropping anvils kills flies — our experiments have proven that. Now let’s go even further. “I’m urging @GovHowl to extend anvil deployment wherever flies are found. Let’s do what we can to keep our city, our residents, and our workforce safe by dropping anvils wherever flies are found.” -Mayor Smith
President commemorates World Toilet Day
In observance of World Toilet Day, the President’s handlers undid his harness and allowed him to utter a few words and other vocalizations to his adoring public. The President said, “I remember that toilet. So great, the way she handles herself in the midst of it all. She would’ve made a better VP pick than […]
Minimum security prisons are the best security prisons
What I said? It’s true. Prison the real anthill. That trash on TV and movies never show it the way the life really is. I chose solitary instead of B Wing at Lovelock to get away from some wiry Crip’s shiv. Had to choke my cellmate to get there. You got to go out your […]
The growing glutton’s glute-busting, gluten-free, low glycemic gruel
Have you heard? Gruel is the new stew. Here at Please All Trendily Inc., we are not about to let this gluten-free craze pass us by. We know: we’re seriously late to the game on this one — it’s like the seventh-inning stretch here! Sorry… one of our editors (not the one who […]
Unvaccinated should get vaccinated to protect themselves from the already vaccinated
Health officials have urged unvaccinated people to get vaccinated in order to protect themselves against pathogens from vaccinated people. In an unrelated story, that clown at the end of the block is urging children under 10 to accept his candy in order to avoid being the last one to taste it.
5 essential COVID-friendly Halloween costumes
Trick or treat! Um… treat, please! Minus the covid! Who wants some icky covid stain on their treat, right? Get that icky off! Nothin’ scarier than that exosome-lookin’ freak stalkin’ ‘round our candies. Think of the children! Halloween’s, like, the ONE day of the year where it used to be acceptable to wear a mask […]