Mastercard to find itself less awkward name

Most people are unaware of how offensive offenses can be, further offending the offended.

In the wake of the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue in the formerly slave state of Virginia, Mastercard Inc. has announced a forthcoming change to its brand name.

Citing several complaints from its own ranks as well as from stakeholders as far afield as the unskilled labor sector, the multinational financial services corporation headquartered in Purchase, NY, made a statement on its decision to Wade Holston of the Told Ya That Was Racist! podcast (TYTWRP).  Holston was joined on his weekly hour-long show by Mastercard’s Chief Equality Officer, Katarina Vertrauer.

“‘Master’ is one of those troubling words that we often fail to acknowledge the violence of,” began the prepared message, which concluded with, “We wouldn’t want a master, would you?”  Spending the bulk of her time emphasizing her company’s complete lack of interest in being a master to anyone — particularly “people of diverse backgrounds” — Vertrauer provided her outlook on exactly why “Mastercard” is so insidiously troublesome.

She said, “I think there’s a potential trust issue that key stakeholders have expressed an interest in mediating — like, for example, if a member of our target demographic was dissuaded from availing themselves of our services based on an erroneous concern that we would — somehow, and for whatever reason — become their master.  Or that we would presume ourselves to be as such, and for the average consumer that resonates.  They may choose Visa, although… in the current climate, with issues like immigration and I.C.E., et cetera, they may wish to consider rebranding, as well.”

TYTWRP has confirmed that Mastercard International Global Headquarters in New York’s Westchester County has removed the familiar Venn diagram-esque logo from the grounds of its property.  While the executives at Mastercard have not yet finalized their brand revision plans, they have replaced the dualistic idol with a sign saying “back in 5 min” and adorned the interior of their office windows with outdoor-facing banners reading “Black Lives Matter.”  

Top contenders for the new company name include “No OffenseCard,” “EqualiCard” and the straightforward “Card.”