Maskless man terrorizes partygoers

Legs do not have to be covered in order to save lives.  Faces do.

Attendees of the 47th Annual Uptown Charity Ball were assaulted by the exhalations of an unidentified man whose features were in no way obscured by a facial covering.  

The man, who wore no mask on his face whatsoever, claimed to have been invited to attend the prestigious gala that attracted over 250 people.  While the event was not a conventional masked ball, most guests elected not to endanger the lives of everyone there and their families by breathing unimpeded, and therefore shrouded their coughing and sneezing holes to ensure the survival of the species.  

The selfishly reckless actions of a single rank reprobate, who dared to expose himself to conscientiously masked ladies and gentlemen, almost ruined what was expected to be a hitch-free evening.  Almost. 

That unmasked man thought he could destroy the health and good time being had by all (except him, the miserable wretch) by showing up invited, without a single shred of cloth or reconstituted cellulose to smother his shameful respiration.  But, no. 

Those carefully wrapped smiles of all the veiled revelers never left their faces throughout the course of the dance.  This information was confirmed by interviewing each attendee who was masked, given that their facial expressions could not be observed.

By the conclusion of the fundraiser, which collected money to study the remarkable cessation of viral transmission during active eating and drinking, only that inconsiderate subhuman, who didn’t even wear a mask, was anything but elated.  The other guests danced into the night (at safe distances from one another, as per CDC guidelines) and probably would’ve even kissed each other if that had been physically possible and officially non-unadvisable.  

Too bad that pond scum, who wouldn’t even show enough decency to hide his identity behind a sheet of graphene oxide, will never know the simple joy of a safe, permitted gathering.  Woe to he.