Hair liberated as CROWN Act passes; fingernails bite selves awaiting own fate

Advancements in hair rights beg the obvious question: will fingernails be afforded the same freedoms?

Now that the “Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair Act of 2020” is safely on the books at long last, follicles are free to be themselves, as equals, for the first time in history.  Amazing, the fact it took this long.  And yet, hopeful.  That we’ve come this far — together.  

But the CROWN Act only scratches the surface.  Dead skin cells all over our bodies have been starved of their natural rights to equality before the law for far too long.  When will this oppression, conveniently overlooked by the corporate-controlled mainstream media, come to its long-awaited and rightful end?  

Fingernails come in many different shapes, sizes, colors, sharpness, hardness, and reflectivity.  And that’s true for just the fingernails in the United States of America, a country that’s supposed to stand for freedom, equality, and plenty of centralized authority to create more laws and regulations that make those other things better for everyone.

The concerned clapperclaws await their fates in huddled groups of ten, chewing and spitting themselves out in anticipation of whatever high court decisions will be dedicated to their status as the integral participants in our democracy that they are.  

We may have scratched the surface of inequality to reveal our poor, wretched brethren living within inches of our cuticles.  Yet where does that get us, other than in the same mess we’ve been trying to escape since President Lincoln issued the Beard Emancipation Proclamation without including mustaches?  

Here, in the land of the free and whatnot, we Americans neglect the needs of our fellow tissues at our own peril.  It’s high time for a law about how no cell, tissue, organ, or organ system is better or worse than any other cell, tissue, organ, or organ system.  Only after such a law or, better yet, costly series of laws is passed, ratified, and universally enforced to its full extent, in perpetuity, by a state entity powerful enough to do so, will justice truly be done.  

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere, once said a great man and marvelous head of hair.

And the struggle may never cease.  There are ten more digits in addition to fingernails that need immediate legal attention: toenails.  In fact, ten laws, one for each toenail, may be the best course of action as toenails are severely underrepresented in legal precedents.

You know, kneecaps can be pretty distinct from each other…  

Call the lawmakers!