Coalition of dolts launches Ass Rights Movement

“The only true wisdom is in knowing stuff.”  – Smedley Quayle

An assemblage of stunted personalities has just made a call to arms for simpletons worldwide to unite and demand fair and equal treatment under the law, an increase in their representation in various organizations and industries, more favorable depictions in media and special treatment under the law.

“We just want our voice to be heard,” uttered one of these sorry excuses, “You know, idiots are people too and we also want more free stuff.  I got so much more stuff for free when I was a kid than I do now, it’s literally insane.”

Counting among its ranks those distinguished few numbskulls who fail to break the self-awareness barrier that most adults have traversed and left in the dirt long ago, the “League of Extraordinarily Dumb Men and Women,” as dubbed by its founder and most accomplished member Smedley Quayle, has simple demands.  The fact that those demands contradict each other does not seem to be widely known among league members.

“We call it ‘Ass Rights’ or the ‘League’ thing I said just now,” Quayle stated.  “We’re not fools.  Well, most of us are and the rest are just stupid.  And so we’re special and so we should be treated that way, as long as we’re not being treated differently than anybody else.  And people think we’re not smart, but we are, so that should be fixed too.”

Citing low employment rates and a general feeling of being “othered” by friends, co-workers and associates, the hopeless imbeciles denounced what they perceive to be “unfair outcomes” in their pursuit of happiness.  Many of the rank-and-file morons have taken to various social media to disseminate their dullness virtually.  A recent post from DrFun123 reads, “they won’t hire me bc i’m unique. they didn’t say that tho they said ‘need experience.’ i read bw the lines.”

As more blockheads and twits join the school of dimwits on their below-average voyage to less obscure waters, more and more inscrutable curios are sure to emanate from their bottomless morass of a collective mind.  Quayle himself has spearheaded the movement’s propaganda campaign, inasmuch as he understands what most of those words mean.  He was spotted using his laptop computer at a trade show for colored chalk holders, writing, “Dopes and dunces unite!  You have nothing to lose but you should come anyway.”