Zombie food review: carnage at trailer park outside town

RVs and campers are often overlooked as a source of fresh meat.

ParkStop RV Camp still has tender vittles if you don’t mind a little scrounging.

by (formerly) Jim Acsadi

Okay, we’ve all had this happen: you’re hangry, stressed and alone, with no time to track down a live meal.  Your feet are sore (if still attached) because you’ve been trudging for days through corpse-lined streets but nothing is tempting enough to eat since all the corpses are at least a month old (yuck!).  What do you do?

Well, I’ll tell you.  You’ve got to go where living flesh is.  You’ve got to find human.  I know, I know.  It’s been really tough since they all seemed to skip town.  But, thanks to yours truly and the tireless efforts of the living dead team at Devour Daily, there is now a viable option for just such an occasion: trailer park hideouts.

“Really?” you ask.  “Is that meat any good?”  To that I say, “Yeehaw!”  If you’ve never tried redneck necks, or thighs or forearms, you haven’t lived (except before you died and rose again to feed on the living).  Apparently some stubborn holdouts have refused to cede their mobile homes to the zombie horde and are still trying to stave off the inevitable by defending their existence.  Oh well.  More food for us!

Yesterday afternoon I had the chance to try the blood-dipped fingers along with a side of tongue.  To say that the experience was finger-licking good would be confusingly redundant, not to mention a bit too on-the-nose.  But it was!  And speaking of nose, yessiree Bob!  Most of those remaining still had theirs, so if I were you I’d head on over now while the gettin’s good.  Here’s a tip: go at night for the best chance at catching your meal off-guard (adrenaline creates off-flavors).

With winter on its way and the legions of the undead continuing to grow, we are likely going to see a crunch in the supply of comestibles as the season changes.  Don’t miss out!  Those mortals are determined to survive but, as food scarcity stalks us at every turn, it is only a matter of time before our potential provisions turn on themselves and cannibalize each other (the monsters — can you even imagine eating one of your own?).

So get your walking dead keisters to ParkStop RV Camp on Route 41 just outside town, and bring your appetite with you!  If you’re lucky, you could snag yourself a live keister (succulent!).  The atmosphere leaves something to be desired, but unless you’re super picky about that kind of thing, you will not be disappointed that you went (as long as your entree doesn’t fight back, which is always a danger).