Top 10 GMO pets for pod living

Creatures ought to be modified to fulfill the roles of pet, furniture and service animal.

With the recent surge in pod living has come the need to accommodate some of our four-legged friends in increasingly tighter spaces.  And, while inviting your rat Cheesy into your bunk might present fewer issues than that dude who wants you to step over his bullmastiff every day on your way to the frozen yogurt stand, many so-called traditional pets are finding pod spaces painfully untenable.

Enter genetically-modified organisms.  The miracles of modern science have paved the way for all sorts of modifications to be made in the selection of pets we have to rule over.  So, even if/though you can’t control your own life, science lets you control the lives of just about any of man’s best friends — from the tiniest crustacean/bacteria hybrid to the elephant-rhinos lodging on the grounds of Jumbo Pods & Chili Fries in Galveston, TX.  

For pod dwellers seeking meaningful, rewarding interspecies companionship, we have compiled these…

Top 10 GMO Pets for Pod Living 

10. Wormchimp

The number one complaint about chimps is their aggression.  This toothless bundle of joy is guaranteed not to chew your face!

9. Koalaparrot

No jagged talons on this furry flyer.  And so quiet!  Parrots usually “talk,” but not this shy little guy! 

8. Amoebafish

Fish are small, but they could always be smaller.  One grain of rice per week is all these lilliputians need! 

7. Boarchicken

Why settle for puny eggs?  Mix some swine into that gene pool for girth!  Warning: eggs are not kosher. 

6. Ficuscat

Slow down, kitty!  Those crazy cats can bring on the stress, but they sure do chill out when crossed with a tree! 

5. Gerbilhamster

Also called hamstergerbil, this rodent has the best of both worlds: the intelligence of a hamster and the loyalty of a gerbil.

4. Tasmanian devil-snakegoat

Quite the chimera, this favorite among Satanists is compact, independent and full of character.

3. Bananatarantula 

The already associated pair were an obvious match — first for safety, then for the added benefit of edibility.  Yum!

2. Carpetdog

Again, an existing association yielded space-saving results: when you’re done playing, just lay him out for the night! 

1. Chairturtle

The popularity of turtle chairs made this one inevitable.  Often coupled with sofahippos in roomier settings, chairturtles come in red, green and yellow, with blue and pink units soon to come!