Those goons at Gorer mag just did their annual round-up of reasons their readers give them for having sliced off their snouts in the past year, and the results may raise some eyebrows.
[SPOILER ALERT] Spiting your face came in 13th!
Here in descending order are Gorer’s “Top 20 Nasal Mutilation Justifications”:
- 20) Fit head through hole
- 19) Improve balance
- 18) Prevent spectacle wearing
- 17) Food in survival situation
- 16) Boost access to nasal passages
- 15) Send to enemy
- 14) Nosebleed fetish
- 13) Spite face
- 12) Caught under boulder
- 11) Send to lover
- 10) Avoid suspicion and/or identification
- 9) Guinness Book
- 8) Toss to attacking dog
- 7) Be excused from work
- 6) Method acting
- 5) Compelled by serial killer
- 4) Triple dog dare
- 3) Societal pressures
- 2) Strict penance
- 1) See what’s underneath
No one was surprised blood fetishes and cannibalism made the cut, but the big stink was that face-spiting didn’t even break the top ten.
As self-disfigurement explodes in popularity, no doubt we can expect more of Gorer’s “Top” lists in the near future.
Topics being considered by the pain-pushing periodical are “Reasons to Crush Your Thumb Sideways” and “Tips for Tongue Tenderizing.”