To spite face 13th in top 20 reasons to cut off nose

Experts recommend a scalpel for rhinotomy unless the procedure is intended to inflict pain.

Those goons at Gorer mag just did their annual round-up of reasons their readers give them for having sliced off their snouts in the past year, and the results may raise some eyebrows.

[SPOILER ALERT] Spiting your face came in 13th!

Here in descending order are Gorer’s “Top 20 Nasal Mutilation Justifications”:

  • 20) Fit head through hole
  • 19) Improve balance
  • 18) Prevent spectacle wearing
  • 17) Food in survival situation
  • 16) Boost access to nasal passages
  • 15) Send to enemy
  • 14) Nosebleed fetish
  • 13) Spite face
  • 12) Caught under boulder
  • 11) Send to lover
  • 10) Avoid suspicion and/or identification
  • 9) Guinness Book
  • 8) Toss to attacking dog
  • 7) Be excused from work
  • 6) Method acting
  • 5) Compelled by serial killer
  • 4) Triple dog dare
  • 3) Societal pressures
  • 2) Strict penance
  • 1) See what’s underneath

No one was surprised blood fetishes and cannibalism made the cut, but the big stink was that face-spiting didn’t even break the top ten.

As self-disfigurement explodes in popularity, no doubt we can expect more of Gorer’s “Top” lists in the near future. 

Topics being considered by the pain-pushing periodical are “Reasons to Crush Your Thumb Sideways” and “Tips for Tongue Tenderizing.”