Federal Reserve notes a cheap, abundant source of insoluble fiber

As inflation worsens, savers have begun taking advantage of the dollar’s nutritional value.

Fiber isn’t sexy.  In a nationwide poll to identify the least sexy of all the micro- and macronutrients, fiber came in first and third — insoluble fiber took gold, with soluble fiber winning bronze after sulfur narrowly edged it out to snag silver.  

Monetary policy isn’t sexy, either.  No elaboration necessary.

I never cared a lick about monetary policy until I realized that I’d have to pay way more than a dollar for the fiber I needed from a traditional fiber source like grain or legumes.  It turns out that the fiber I needed was in the dollars I already had.

When you’ve got to tighten your belt and also stay regular, one helping per day of debt-based currency does the trick.  Singles are the obvious choice, providing as much nutritional value as the larger denominations, although the fin is catching up in popularity.  As currency inflation becomes more rampant, the five-dollar bill will also cost less than its equivalent in conventionally-sourced nutrition. 

Check out the recipe below for my bangin’ cotton-linen candy — you’ve never felt as light and frugal as you will after wolfing down this delicious confection!

Barry’s Bangin’ Bottom-Dollar Caky Cotton Candy

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Servings: 2


2 cups sugar (buy with a credit card so you can put your cash in this recipe)

1/2 cup corn syrup

1/2 cup water

1 stack Federal Reserve notes (ground)

1 pinch salt 

1 drop food coloring

Lollipop sticks to serve


Add sugar, corn syrup, water, worthless paper money, and salt into metal saucepan over medium high heat, stirring ingredients until sugar melts.  Heat to 325℉, then pour cheap, commonplace liquid into heatproof container. Add food coloring and stir excessively abounding ingredients well.

If hard times have gotten you down, soften things up with some fiber-rich, cost-efficient bills.  Your wallet will thank you along with each of your intestines! 

When you’re through, if you’re low on the typical remedies for sticky fingers, lips and chins, use any unground dollars you have lying around to wipe up the mess.